Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
