So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
