I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
