Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
