i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
