I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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