that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
