my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize