pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
