did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
