whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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