well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
