Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
