My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
