you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
