just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
