You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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