he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
