I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
