Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize