i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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