apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
