I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
