I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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