he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We left an ass print on the piano.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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