life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
