how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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