the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
