I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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