Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
