everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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