Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
