Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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