Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Too much gin, very little bucket
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
