just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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