No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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