i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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