Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
