i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
