when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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