You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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