i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
