I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
