May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
