Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Boobs speak an international language.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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