your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
