You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will die if light touches me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
