I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
