apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
