Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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