Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
