Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
