well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no you cant smoke seaweed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm getting married
To pizza
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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