i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
