If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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