Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
