If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
