Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
