so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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