i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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