Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
