Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize