Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
