My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
In America we eat man semen.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
