Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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