you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
