Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
