oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
