At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
